Earlier in my career I had a work personality and a home personality. Even a DISC evaluation revealed this duplication. My natural state is one who pushes things forward and uses encouragement or influence to bolster support. My adaptive state is someone who sticks to the rules and complies and is a boring corporate suit.
Over the years I discovered that my adaptive state was a proactive way for me to play smaller, so that my superiors could feel less threatened by someone who would naturally become influential in the organization.
However, my natural state eventually emerges, and that’s when the struggle with the chiefs of command and control begins. At least that’s what I told myself based on my level of self-awareness at the time.
I later realized the role relationships can play in everything we do in life.
Some work environments are really bad, and there are some terrible bosses out there. The question is why would anyone appear to have such a work environment in the first place? Why do we stay in such an environment?
I don’t miss working in those environments. As a matter of fact, the reason I became a founding member of RadicalPurpose.org is because I’m pretty sure most of you are reading this, don’t like controls, and are also dominated or sidelined.
It’s easy to point a finger and say that the system is set up to be command and control, and we are all forced to comply, but the reason there are such systems as patriarchy or parent system (both command and control models) is that we allow it. We not only allow it, but we also create it in our conscious state.
Integration or suffer
Most people do not combine their work with their life, as a result of which many despise their working life, cannot wait for the weekend, and are afraid of the coming of Monday.
Because of this lack of integration, many people today get their sense of self-respect, self-worth, and identity through what they do in their spare time versus what they do in their professional lives while producing values.
This sad and unfortunate limitation encourages dishonesty, and in some cases the duplicity is so bad that it causes people to resort to escapes such as alcohol, drug abuse and addiction that ends up causing neurosis.
When people turn to outside sources like alcohol, drugs, happy hours, parties, spectator sports, and hobbies to get short bursts of self-esteem, self-esteem, pleasure, and happiness, it creates a void within our state of being.
I have nothing against having a good time, if there is no need to escape.
When you run away, you only get a temporary boost, and then you’re worse than when you started.
Everything with the right awareness and self-awareness can have amazing advantages, but one-shot bangs are not integrated, so they don’t last. Running away does not contribute to long-term happiness. Happiness Bank Account.
However, in order for people to feel “good,” or to feel “happy,” it causes people to constantly look for one-shot blasts. This usually leads to a lost life of redundant activities and dishonesty.
How much real pride and self-respect can be gained by being the best sports fan in the world? Or by being the best TV viewer? Or by being the best drinker? Or to be very popular on Instagram and have a lot of followers.
One only needs to take these activities to their fullest conclusion from ability to perform to see their true value. It becomes clear, for example, that being the best TV watcher, the best sports fan, or the best drinker is of little or no long-term value in self-development.
However, being the best in one’s career will result in great values for yourself and society. All true happiness can be obtained by creating values, As discussed in a previous blogAnd By being your true self.
As we begin to integrate who we are into everything we do, we begin to grow in self-confidence, self-esteem, and begin to live with complete self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the key
The sad thing about the command and control paradigm that we’ve been seeing for thousands of years is that it makes people think they are victims. If you are not responsible, you are not responsible, right?
This is the biggest problem to allow the command and control model to continue. The problem is that it does not develop self-awareness. Without self-awareness one cannot achieve achievement. This makes people switch to one shot of happiness.
From a societal point of view, we begin to focus more on pointing fingers at what is wrong with others, rather than identifying our own growth opportunities. We get energy from blaming people, from anger… It’s amazing energy. The problem, just like the one-shot blasts we’ve discussed, is that this energy doesn’t last. It is not sustainable.
In order to have a sustainable sense of accomplishment, we must take full 100% responsibility for ourselves, and we must begin to be honest in all our relationships.
the person in the mirror
Instead of thinking of our lives in sections, my work life, my family life, my leisure life, my secret life. What if we simply focus on our relationships?
When you start focusing on relationships, you start with yourself. You can start by asking yourself:
who am I? What do I stand for? what I think? What is my truth, do I love myself, am I grateful for my life? Do I believe in myself? Do I respect myself? Do I appreciate who I am? am i satiated Do I accept myself as I am?
The answers will reveal your most important relationship. relationship with yourself. Then we can start communicating with others in a more realistic and authentic way.
If you don’t love yourself that much, you won’t be able to love others either. If you don’t have gratitude for your own life, you won’t respect the lives of others either. If you don’t accept yourself as imperfect, you won’t be able to offer the same courtesy to others.
Any separation between us and our relationship with ourselves will lead to the separation of our relationship with others.
For years I believed that the separation of my work life, personal life, family life, spiritual life, etc., was justified. The DISC evaluation confirmed my desire to integrate, so that I could survive. That wasn’t quite live present for my friends.
In the end, I had to realize the importance of a better relationship with myself, and how that could extend to all those areas of my life that simply became my whole life.
Today, I’m glad I don’t have to separate anything. I work for Nearsoft (now Encora), where being yourself is encouraged. I have to be totally me all the time.
The more we work and focus on relationships, the less power we give to external commands and controls. Start with the person in the mirror.
Many people regularly assert themselves that they love themselves. There is a way to check if you are being honest with yourself or not.
How often do other people’s behavior bother you? Do you find yourself blaming others for who they are? Do you find yourself angry at situations or people in your life?
If you find yourself blaming, ranting, angry, disgusting, and uncomfortable with things and people outside of you, chances are that you still maintain judgment and feelings of anxiety about the most important relationship in your life. The person in the mirror. You are.
Maybe it’s time to forgive yourself? The world would be a better place for him if we all started simply by giving ourselves a break from being human. How about giving each other a break, and practicing more self-awareness?
Originally published at tulliosiragusa.com.
Tullio Siragosa Disruptive Technologies Pioneer, Emotional Intelligence Thought Leader, Futurist, Speaker, Author, and Coach. Over the past 32 years, Tullio has built world-class leadership teams in technology companies and startups. Tullio is currently the Director of Strategy at Nearsoft (now Encora) where he co-produced and hosted dojo.live for a platform that gives voice to emerging technology leaders. As an advisory board member of the Executive Program for Design Thinking at the University of California, Riverside, he advises on how to enhance a human-centered approach to innovation. He also hosts Rant & Grow, an entertaining, heart-warming reality podcast where each episode explores people’s personal hurdles and how to aggressively move forward in careers, relationships, and self-realization through developing healthy habits. As a founding member of Radical Purpose, Tullio is a strong supporter of human dignity in all aspects of life, including freedom in the workplace.
Photo submitted by Andrea Biacudio.