They laugh together, dry each other’s tears, give support in good and in bad, help without having to ask … What a beautiful friendship, isn’t it? Where romantic love has closed us down for centuries with the institution of “marriage,” there is no such thing as marriage for the sake of friendships. While there is only a fine line between love and friendship.
Friendship occupies a lower position in society, but why? Isn’t it time to cherish friendships as much as romantic love?
Solo activist Lenny de Zwaan has been dealing with this question – or rather: her positive answer to it – for years. She argues that friendship can mean in life just as much as a love affair, and therefore it should be given legal status. Just like marriage. A kind of friendship commitment, where you commit to staying loyal to your best friend(s) for life. For better or for worse.
silence about friendship
British writer Andrew Sullivan also has his own view on the state of friendship. In his book Undetectable Love: Notes on Friendship, Sex, and Survival, he argues that the gift of friendship is many times greater and more comprehensive than romantic love.
He wrote, “Friendship has always been the most accessible form of relationship for me—more accessible than romantic love.” For him, it’s about the space you get in a friendship to be completely yourself.
But when Lenny de Zwaan argues for recognition of the value of friendship in the form of commitment, Sullivan takes a different view. According to him, this is precisely the silence surrounding friendship – the fact that Lovers And the spouses regularly talk about their relationship and that this does not happen because of friendly relations – which confirms their strength. He writes, “Friends allowed the respect they had for one another to speak for themselves or be referred to by others.”
So it is debatable whether the appreciation we have for friendships will lead to institution or not. Wouldn’t the pressures that come with a marital union – both from government and from society – make the friendship less of a charm and elusive?
Also Alma Matissen, author of the book Forget the girls About a strong friendship, he asks this in an article on NRC.nl. According to her, we put a lot of pressure on romantic relationships and stare blindly at our romantic partners. “And that’s while a third of all marriages fail,” she wrote.
Wouldn’t it be the difference in status between love and friendship that makes more love relationships fail? If this is the case, then registering a friendship at the registry office may be counterproductive.
However, it is strange that when stranded in a love relationship there is an understanding of “extremist” grief and tears, but not when stranded in friendship. Either way, it’s about a broken relationship, about two people who must go on without each other, about a lack. Does romance make the difference?
What we all agree on is that friendships should be cherished. Just like love. and whether an amicable marriage can be concluded or not; Throwing a party in honor of friendship is always a good idea, isn’t it?
Want to read more about friendships?
This is the power of positive friendships.