A past relationship that made you stronger and smarter is not a wasted one. In life, we learn from our mistakes and experiences. We continue to move forward in the pursuit of happiness and becoming the best version of ourselves. So we asked our community (Positive Outlooks) what they learned from their previous relationships and below are just some of the amazing answers:
1) You can love someone and they may not be the person for you. It doesn’t mean they are bad or that you have to hate them.
2) If your needs aren’t being met, you need to reevaluate the relationship.
3) People either grow together or grow apart.
4) Love is an action.
I could go on and on but most important… take time to heal after a long term relationship. Sometimes it’s you, choosing the same type of person that can’t meet your needs. – Nancy Keefer
“You can’t change people. They are who they are. You need to ask LOTS of questions to get to know the person before you get serious, and before getting married. And once you ask those questions, if they don’t match with your beliefs and values, move onto the next person. Marriage and kids is a LONG time, and a big commitment, make sure it’s with the right person, and not just with anyone because you feel old at 24 and your parents and friends are pressuring you.” – Carly Cook
“To communicate everything. Sometimes I retreat from conflict, but sometimes that makes it worse. I think I’m just not participating in the drama, but I actually need to learn to use my voice more. Express it before it becomes an explosion.” – Cookie Miller
“That giving a second chance sometimes will let the person hurt you more and you might end up giving 2,3,4 more chances to them hoping against hope for them to change.
If a person shows you who they are the first time and that’s not what you can deal with, it’s best to part ways to prevent yourself from more hurt that will take longer to heal.” – Comfort Tia
“Trust you instincts! If something doesn’t feel right there is probably something going on behind your back. NOBODY deserves to be cheated on! Stand up for yourself because you deserve it!” – Suzanne Steinbach
“Don’t bother thinking you’re gonna change someone for the better, it’s just a joke. Put your energy into yourself, it pays in dividends.” – Michelle Risso
“It doesn’t matter how much you show love, sacrifice to be there for them, it will never be enough if they can only see themselves and their pain. When it’s not reciprocated, when you cant express your feelings and ask questions without upsetting them, you’re with someone in it for themselves and what they can get out of it. Communication is key and if restricted in any way, go the other way, no matter how much you care and want to see them succeed. The truth doesn’t mind being questioned…guilt does.” – Erin Byrom
“I can’t compare relationships, 47 years I’ve been married with my wife since 1975 and this is my first and only relationship. We’ve had our “ups and downs”, but all relationships have this. I was engaged to her long enough to assess her bad bits, and this was acceptable. And long enough to assess her good bits, which was far better than her bad bits! And a lot more fun! And over the years she’s been my lover, strength, support, guide, caring, and has really looked after me! I need her, and can’t cope without her, she’s my “rock”, and I love her!” – Mike Megabits
“Just because you are good together as friends doesn’t mean you are good as partners. Never give too much of you when you’re not getting the same on return. Being patient doesn’t always work sometimes it just give them too much lead way to hurt you much more.” – Shameika Yesitsme
“Having expectations and boundaries isn’t being whiney/needy/b***hing, they’re preservation of self. Communication isn’t the most important thing, comprehension is. And narcissists will always play the victim. to be fair they were important lessons to be had, just wish I realized them quicker.” – Nae Lemon
“A man who cant lead his own family with honor/respect/loyalty/integrity is never worth it. If he can not show you respect – loyalty – integrity as a partner, nothing will ever flourish beautifully. If he isn’t setting healthy and boundaries and does not actively prevent others from harming you whether family friends friendships, he simply wont, no matter what you say to him – he wont. You can’t change a grown adult. It is within him or not. Nothing you can do about it.” – Lenny Romero
“If the person you’re in a relationship says or does something that upsets you, don’t respond back immediately. Have a night to sleep on it, talk things over with a close friend and/or family member and get advice on how to handle it. You can’t always take back words and sometimes saying sorry doesn’t work, so take the time to think things through and don’t respond in the heat of the moment.” – Steven Barker